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Issues – Everybody Has Them
Let’s start with a universal truth – everybody has issues. Some people just may have more issues than others. Personally, I could start a newsstand, maybe even a few newsstands, with the number of issues that I have. Some people are transparent with their issues, while others are better at hiding theirs, stuffing them in the closet behind their skeletons.
The important thing is not to let someone make you feel bad because of your issues. If your issues don’t line up with their expectations of who you should be, that’s their problem, not yours. And if they tell you that you need to change or they’re leaving, then let them go. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’re quite adept at the negative self-talk (which, I’m trying to reduce). Letting someone else feed the voices isn’t healthy or helpful.
Changes – Make Them for the Right Reasons
Change isn’t a bad thing. Wanting to be less anxious or emotional, to better manage your depression, to practice self-care, to lose weight, or to lose a new skill are all healthy changes. But you need to make sure that you’re making those changes for yourself. Because you want to change, not because someone else is making you feel bad about something, invalidates your problems, issues an ultimatum, or draws out promises from you.
Change that you aren’t committed to and aren’t making for yourself isn’t likely to succeed or last. If someone blames your issues for their unhappiness, no amount of effort you put in will ever be good enough. You’ll be changing for all the wrong reasons, and they will continue to be unhappy with themselves.
How to Make Changes
May you have an issue you’d like to fix (or mitigate) or change you’d like to make. Take the time to write all the reasons you want to make this change. Make sure they’re your reasons, Once you’ve done this, brainstorm all the things you can do to help fix or mitigate the issue. Come up with a plan for how you’ll implement it, and then execute.
Keep track of your progress. Identify what things are work and which things are not. If you want feedback or validation, make sure you turn to a supportive community that will encourage you and build you up, not tear you down. A therapist and close friends or family are great places to start, but the internet is full of communities you can turn to, especially if you want some anonymity. Facebook is full of groups that you can join. Once you feel that you’ve made sufficient progress towards your goal, take stock of what worked and what didn’t work, and then when you feel ready, move on to your next goal.
What are your thoughts on making changes? Is there anything you’d like to change about yourself?